“Try again in 100 years,” says galactic organization
VULCAN – Citing the fall of liberalism in the planet’s major nation-states and the rise of populist demagoguery in its place, the United Federation of Planets voted today to reject Earth’s membership application.
“We regret that the present socio-political climate on Earth, with its skeptical views towards science, its over-emphasis on wealth accumulation, and its growing rates of race and income inequality, is incompatible with the basic tenets of the Federation,” said UFP President Jaresh-Inyo in a tersely-worded written statement.
Per UFP rules, Earth is disqualified from additional consideration for the next hundred years.
World leaders reacted swiftly to condemn the decision.
“The UFP has such great potential but right now it is just a club for people to get together, talk and have a good time. So sad!” tweeted newly inaugurated US President Donald J. Trump.
He was not alone.
“No one wants the UFP to suffer the fate of the League of Planets, which collapsed because it lacked real leverage. This is possible if influential planets bypass the UFP and take military action without Security Council authorization,” announced Russian President Vladimir Putin.
While Earth-based scientists expressed supreme dismay at the decision, which will prevent them from collaborating with colleagues in more advanced civilizations, others moved swiftly to profit from the turn of events.
“We have made inquiries with Viceroy Nute Gunray and Senator Palpatine about joining the Trade Federation,” announced incoming Secretary of State Rex Tillerman.
“What could possibly go wrong?”