Congress Gives President Wrong [Expletive] Wrench 

B7VoXetCYAAqF8rWASHINGTON, D.C. Speaking from the White House garage, a clearly exasperated President Obama scolded Congress for giving him a 3/4″ wrench when he asked for a 5/8″ wrench.

“Are you even paying attention? It says what it is right on the [expletive] thing,” said the leader of the free world.

Further angered by the blank look on Congress’s face the President escalated his tirade.

“Maybe if you got off your [expletive] iPhone and focused for like one [expletive] second you could actually accomplish something useful for once,” bellowed the nation’s 44th executive.

“Or maybe you think a 14% approval rating is a good thing?” screamed America’s de facto father figure. “You know when I was your age I had a friend with 14% scores and now he’s unemployed and smokes skunk weed he got for giving handjobs behind a 7-11 back in Hyde Park. Is that what you want?”

I said IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT???!!!” screamed the President of the United States at the top of his lungs.

At press time, sources confirmed that the President had grabbed the 5/8″ wrench himself and wheeled himself back under the car he was fixing, muttering that he “would just do it [him]self.”

This is the biggest hardware error Congress has made since President Obama asked the legislative branch for a ball peen hammer and they sent him a government shutdown instead.

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