ATLANTA, GA The Center for United States Studies on Race Relations released the findings of a groundbreaking survey today revealing that not one single person in the entire country mistakenly thought that former child mega movie star Shirley Temple, who has just died at the age of 85, was actually popular living actor and Super Bowl commercial veteran Laurence Fishburne.

“Modern Americans found that [Shirley] Temple, best remembered as a small white girl with red hair and an infectiously rosy personality, is fairly easy to distinguish from [Laurence] Fishburne, who is a physically large African-American gentleman with a deep voice and often plays mysterious, slightly threatening characters,” explained head researcher Dale von Whiten.

“We see this is as a big step forward in the national dialogue about race,” continued von Whiten.

The study was prompted after KTLA entertainment reporter Sam Rubin accidentally mistook actor Samuel L. Jackson for Fishburne?in a live on-air interview.

At press time, the Center was preparing the findings of another important report in which it will be revealed that almost 27% of suburban white Americans can successfully delineate “most of the time” between photographs of President Barack Obama and photographs of popular Vaudeville performer Al Jolson in his signature blackface makeup, up from 25.5% three years ago.

Michael Bay to direct, Jennifer Lawrence rumored to star.

HOLLYWOOD, CA ?Jerry Bruckheimer may have just inked the most lucrative motion picture deal of his career. Following tense back-and-forth and a last-minute appeal, the polar vortex that is bringing unprecedented arctic temperatures to parts of the country as far south as Atlanta has agreed in terms to a three-picture deal with one of this era’s most prolific — and successful — producers.

“I’ve already talked to [director] Michael [Bay] and he’s excited about bringing the story of the polar vortex to Real-D life,” an excited Bruckheimer said on a conference call with reporters just moments after completing the historic deal.

“There will absolutely be the first sub-zero ice fire explosion ever seen in a movie,” tweeted director Michael Bay to his legions of fans.

Jennifer Lawrence will play the polar vortex’s love interest, and it’s rumored that either Christian Bale, Alan Rickman, Bill Murray, or some combination of the three will portray the villain.

NEW YORK, NY ?During a press conference today about his recent departure from the Boston Red Sox and acceptance of a huge contract with the New York Yankees, outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury provided no clues to the gathered celebrity-frenzied media about who might be the next famous person to die in an untimely vehicle accident and thus complete the “rule of three” triad started by Paul Walker and continued by Bill Beckwith.

“I really don’t know,” commented Ellsbury, “does the Bronx train crash count at all?”

“I guess not,” he added, “because I don’t recall anyone famous being aboard.”

Yankees captain Derek Jeter, attending the press event in solidarity with his new teammate, made a brief statement to the effect that celebrities should probably avoid any unnecessary risks involving cars, motorcycles, public transit, boats, planes or helicopters until the triad is complete.

“Wait, what about the guy that was driving [Paul] Walker’s car?” asked Ellsbury as he returned to the microphone, referring to professional driver Roger Rodas. “I heard he was pretty famous in race car circles.”

At press time, journalists from E! were preparing an interactive poll for their website to gauge the fame level of Roger Rodas.