WASHINGTON, DC – The National Rifle Association (NRA) announced today that it has received a huge?cash infusion to support its ongoing social experiment in which?firearms are made freely available to the 300 million citizens of a first-world nation.
“We’ve already accomplished a great deal, and we’re very excited about what we can do with the additional funding,” explained lead researcher Dr. Jethro Austin Dylan as a power point presentation showed slides of barely regulated gun shows, children unwrapping semi-automatic weapons under Christmas trees, and the sobbing relatives of deceased shooting victims in the unnamed Western country that is the subject of the study.
When asked what tipped the scales in favor of being awarded the grant?NRA scientists pointed out the success of artificially inducing a climate of regular mass-shootings and rampant anti-government paranoia.
“One of the key milestones in the Phase II portion of the study was the widespread escalation of ‘castle doctrine’ laws, which have a very limited application, into ‘stand your ground’ laws, which are nearly universal in scope,” explained Dr. Dylan.
Another important factor cited was the incredible success the research team has enjoyed in keeping the citizens of the first-world nation involved in the study completely in the dark about the fact that they are active participants in possibly the largest and most dangerous sociological experiment?ever conducted.
“I mean, guns are in the top levels of government, they’re in the news 24/7, they’re all over the streets, and nobody’s caught on,” gushed Dr. Dylan. “We can’t wait to see what happens in Phase III!” concluded the prominent social scientist.
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