Occasional Booty Call Acquaintance Receives Posthumous Promotion to “Girlfriend”

Screen shot 2015-01-03 at 5.38.18 PMNORTH BERGEN, NJ  Following the tragic and untimely death of Kimberly Lyall, area man Rod Polson has started referring to her as his “girlfriend” despite the two having only sparingly engaged in casual sex, according to sources with knowledge of the situation .

“Just last week I was at a party with Rod [Polson] and I asked him if he had anything going on and he was like ‘nah man’,” said friend and fellow Pizza Hut employee Steve Boswell. “Now he’s all like, ‘my girlfriend’s gone’ and shit.”

“I mean, they met on Tinder,” concluded Boswell.

Relatives confirmed that at a recent family gathering Polson announced that he was feeling sad at the sudden death of his “girlfriend,” despite no member of the family having ever met Kimberly Lyall or being able to remember Polson having talked about her.

“He lives in the basement,” explained Polson’s father. “I think I’d remember a girlfriend.”

Sources close to Polson suggested that the posthumous promotion may be a calculated move intended to create sympathy.

“Last night I was hanging out with Rod and these two chicks from CrossFit and he was acting all bummed about [Kimberly Lyall] and the chicks were like all over him with hugs and shit,” said a friend who wished to remain anonymous.

“They were hot, yo,” concluded the source.

This is the second time Polson has awarded a posthumous promotion, the first being in 1998 when deceased cousin Jack Sadelnop was named a “brother” despite their only having seen each other twice annually, at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

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