Report: 100% of Tourists Yelled “It’s The Big One!” During Napa Valley Earthquake

1297327347243_ORIGINALNAPA VALLEY, CA  Every vacationing man, woman and child within the radius of Sunday’s earthquake screamed “It’s the big one!” or some variation thereof, despite the temblor causing no fatalities, very few serious injuries, and lasting only 20 seconds, according to a survey conducted by Bridgeport University.

“I felt the ground moving and without even thinking I shrieked at my husband ‘Jesus Christ, Frank, it’s the big one! Get in the bathtub!‘” reported one typical respondent of the magnitude 6.0 earthquake, which California residents and most seismologists described as “pretty wimpy.”

Other common tourist responses included ‘Holy f–king s–t it’s the big one,‘ ‘Is this the big one, mommy?’ and ‘The big one! Aaaaaaaaaghhhhhhh!‘ even though the quake is estimated to have caused a mere $1B in damage.

The same survey found that 100% of the time vacationing tourists will identify a shadow in the water as a 25-foot Great White Shark, regardless of whether they are in an ocean, lake, river or hotel swimming pool.

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