NEW YORK, NY In a political move that has left international law watchdog groups scratching their heads, United States Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has threatened any meaningful work by delaying the fall session of the U.N. general assembly with an unprecedented filibuster.
“We need to talk about the dangerous spread of socialized medicine throughout the world,” said the congressman at one point during his speech, reading from a massive three-ring binder that came from a stack he had brought to the podium in a wheelbarrow.
“America is sick and tired of President Obama using this platform to apologize to the so-called global community,” explained the congressman at another point in his rambling remarks. “I’m here today to demand that the nations of the world apologize to America. That is one of many, many, many demands I have written down on this list.”
“We’re going to talk about each and every one. Extensively,” he added.
GOP strategists applauded Sentaor Cruz’s actions on the United Nations floor.
“When the Republican Party looks out at the world of today, with it’s diversity of cultures and peoples and religions and especially financial markets, we are frankly appalled,” explained RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. “We stand firmly behind Senator Cruz in his bold stand to make the world safe for a highly classist, capitalist, pro-White America, anti-everything else homogeneity.”
At press time, U.N. member nations were meeting in secret to elect a new headquarters somewhere– anywhere– other than the United States.
Correction: an earlier version of this article incorrectly identified Senator Cruz as a member of the House of Representatives, although the?real mistake is that he holds any kind of public office whatsoever.
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