DETROIT, MI ?Desperate to stave off an apocalyptic financial meltdown that threatens to cancel even basic services like sanitation and turn the city into a wasteland, today the city of Detroit turned to its most extreme and final hope for salvation: Robocop.
Half man, half machine, all cop, this bio-mechanical bipedal hybrid features advanced suspect profiling software, a union-mandated automatic rest period every four hours, and, most importantly for the embattled city, a bonafide international tentpole film franchise potentially worth around a billion dollars.
“Robocop is going to save us all,” said visibly relieved Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick at a press conference, as the ?android surveyed a media crowd made nervous by the constant whir of the servomechanisms in the heavily armed, fully ambulatory computer’s “neck.”
The mayor went on to assure everyone watching that Robocop has been programmed to completely ignore any crimes committed by any of Detroit’s professional sports team members.
“The subroutines protecting the Pistons were triple-checked,” said the Mayor.
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