“At this point we’re out of options,” climatologists admit.
CINCINNATI, OH ?Scientists at the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration have given up hope for the nation after a recently deployed Old Spice commercial failed to stop an unprecedented polar vortex from consuming the United States in its icy grip.
“That commercial was our last desperate hope,” said a fictitious public relations representative at a completely made-up press conference. “It’s official: we’re fucked.”
Researchers at NOAA were quick to point out that the massive swirling column of frigid arctic air did present at least one major positive, namely, the really cool name that the press came up for it.
“I mean, c’mon, we’re calling it a polar vortex,” said one NOAA employee.
“That’s awesome,” he added.
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