WASHINGTON, DC? Top conservative minds from all over the country gathered today to beg the President and Congress to do everything in its power to speed up global warming and hopefully prevent future blizzards like the one that is presently wreaking havoc across the country.
“Average global temperatures have only risen like half a degree in the last thirty years,” pleaded Senator John Hoeven (R-ND). “I’m from North Dakota. It’s still really cold there.”
But not all Republicans are convinced that the government has the ability to affect the environment.
“I keep hearing about the planet heating up, but I look out the window and wow! ?It’s snowing outside,” stated congresswoman Michele Bachman (R-MN). “Blizzards are a sign from God, and this one is clearly telling us that marriage can only be between a man and a woman.”
Later today Speaker of the House John Boehner will meet with the two GOP factions and try not to cry.
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