Apparently, multi-millionaire athletes have not been paying attention to the death of the publishing industry.
TAMPA, FL New York Yankees shortstop and future automatic first-ballot Hall of Famer Derek Jeter announced today that next year he will launch a publishing company, evidently making him completely oblivious to the impending death of print-based enterprises.
“This is like Citizen Kane,” said a source with knowledge of the situation who wished to remain anonymous because he hopes to siphon money away from the aging star until he is nothing more than a bankrupt shell of his former self, trading autographs for food out of the back of a van.
“I think books are a great thing, and especially kids should have unlimited access to them,” stated Mr. Jeter, who apparently is unfamiliar with eBooks, books-on-tape, the Internet, declining rates of literacy, or the rapidly growing number of newspapers, magazines, and publishing companies that are careening at breakneck speed towards bankruptcy, or are already there.
“This is a great idea,” concluded the athlete.
At press time, it was announced that one of the publishing company’s first efforts will be a book about how quickly retired sports figures lose all of their money on ill-advised, often completely ridiculous bone-headed investment failures.
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