“Jesus Christ, you gotta be kidding me,” says CEO Akio Toyoda.
TOYOTA CITY, JAPAN Company executives are in a state of utter disbelief as image after image confirmed their worst fears: Toyota is now indeed the official motor vehicle of the reprehensible, genocidal ISIS movement tragically spreading across the Middle East.
“Fuck me,” said Jim Lentz, chief marketing officer, North America, under his breath as ISIS militants celebrated a recent mass execution of innocent women and children by cheering and brandishing weapons for a CNN camera crew from the bed of a pickup truck with the word “Toyota” clearly visible across the tailgate.
Up and down Fifth Avenue advertising companies were preparing pitches for the inevitable round of commercials that will attempt to rescue the international brand’s reputation and make consumers forget about images of ISIS religious extremists running down fleeing refugees in Toyota SUVs.
“History teaches us that while Toyota has a tough road (har!) ahead, it’s not impossible to recover,” said market analyst Donald Jadier of the research film Gladys Nossen Enterprises. “People have all but forgotten that Mercedes was the official vehicle of the Third Reich.”
At press time, Toyota was seriously considering just changing its name and adopting a cartoon Panda as its new logo.