“Holy crap, you guys, just knock it off,” begs exhausted athlete.
PROVIDENCE, RI Three-time World Series hero Curt Schilling, who just announced yesterday that he is now battling cancer, is already experiencing fatigue over the number of athletically-inspired aphorisms friends, family, and fans have begun sending him by way of encouragement.
“If I hear one more person tell me to ‘strike out cancer,’ I think I’m gonna scream,” said a clearly distressed Schilling. “Ditto for ‘deal the Big C a Big K,'” continued the 1993 NLCS MVP.
The veteran of 19 MLB season with five different clubs will also “completely and totally lose it” if he hears anything about “one more big game.”
At press time, Schilling’s oncologist was rumored to be preparing for an upcoming appointment by creating an explanation of treatment chart that contains familiar baseball phrases like “spring training,” “attack the strike zone,” and “day/night double-header.”