Congress To Crack Down On New York Yankees Outsourcing

Bronx Bombers Payroll Dominated By Japanese, Hispanic Immigrants.

Kuroda-300x225NEW YORK, NY?Congress has announced it will launch an investigation into the controversial foreign services hiring practices of the New York Yankees in the wake of the seven-year, $155M contract announced today between the company and 25-year-old Japanese contractor Masahiro Tanaka.

“The American economy continues to struggle to add jobs, but the New York Yankees are happy to import foreign labor,” declared Representative Michele Bachman (R-Minnesota). “Congress cannot just sit idly by while perfectly good employment opportunities are being handed out left and right to immigrants.”

“Forty percent of the starting rotation are Japanese guys,” complained Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX). “That’s something like 360 innings a year that could easily be supplied by American workers.”

“And they have another 60% of the rotation that’s Hispanic!” continued the Senator. “Are you telling me there’s not a single white guy who can start a game at pitcher for the New York Yankees? This is disgraceful.”

The preliminary findings of Congress include recent Yankees employees originating from Puerto Rico, the Dominican Republic,?Cura?ao, Venezuela, Panama, Japan and Canada.

“Why is there a Canadian playing for the Yankees? Shouldn’t that guy be playing hockey?” asked House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). “Something’s going on here.”

Yankees President Randy Levine was quick to point out that by hiring foreigners the team actually supports the local economy, as important jobs are created that might otherwise not exist.

“Most of these guys need translators, they need lawyers to help them clear their immigration paperwork, and all of [these foreigners] need financial planners on account of the absurd amounts of money we’re paying them,” explained Levine. “That’s a whole army of jobs for New Yorkers that otherwise wouldn’t be available.”

At press time, rumors were circulating that the impending Congressional investigation would interfere with the franchise’s plans to launch an Anime television series on Telemundo called “El Tanaka Supr?mo.”

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